I didn’t even think anything of it, when I met my significant other, I never even stopped for a second to ask myself “can I do this?” “Do I want to become a full time Mum of 3?!” I was so blinded by my now future husband’s beautiful face I just went with it and here I am now thinking to myself, “gosh I really cannot do this for another day, let alone forever!”
You see before him it was just me and my mini. Life was quiet, we did our thing (mainly cuddled.) We had routine and structure, and I felt pretty proud of myself and the life I was able to give to my mini (strong independent woman here.) I had just graduated, and landed myself a pretty good job at the police and life was good. I did have someone, but I always knew he wasn’t the one. I never knew that a Greek god was missing from my life, till I met one at the school gates at my daughters school, and I have been infactuated with him ever since. And it was then, that everything changed.
In hindsight, I feel pretty bad that I didnt pause for a moment and take a step back, because becoming a blended family has been extremely difficult and frustrating at times. I wish I thought more about the impact it would have on everyone involved, so I could prepare myself and my mini, but as alien as the concept of “going with the flow” is to an over thinker like myself, for the first time in my life I did just that.
And here I am now, full time step mum to 2 and full time mama to my mini, and just to spice our lives up some more, we recently had a baby of our own! He has 4 legs, comes when you call him and his favourite meal is our skirting boards. I can safely say I do not feel 26 anymore. I feel that I am coming up to 65, I live off tea and I strongly rely on my en-suite to hide and cry most days!
Thing’s I didn’t think about before being a step-mum, but do now.
What cutlery I put out on the table for my two sensitive girls. The shade of grey school tights, I leave out for my precious little peaches (not the shades of grey I would want) or which child is the lucky one, that gets the privilege of picking up our dogs turd from the garden. (Yes this is real, my mini cried because the other sasspot was asked to pick up dog poop.) Everything is a competition between our girls, and i’m certain that this small flaw in our children’s relationship, is single handedly sucking all of the sanity and energy directly from my soul. Our girls are exactly the same age, (that’s how we met) and I thought this was a good thing! There would be no awkward settling in sessions, no formal meeting “mummy’s boyfriend etc” and no being on the best behaviours around one another. But the fact they already knew each other didn’t seem to go in our favour. It wasn’t long till our girls were fighting like siblings already, and inevitably me and my man would side with our own, leading to disagreements. Our fiesty little sasspot queen’s knew exactly what they were doing, playing us like a fiddle and then often kissing and making up before we did!
No time with my mini me. Like I said, before them, it was just us. We were very close and I loved the relationship we had. “A mother is your first friend, your best friend and your forever friend.” I was mostly a single mum during my time at university and it felt like it was just us against the world, and I have a lot to thank her for. Now we are a blended family, it’s hard to get that one to one time I crave so bad. I don’t want to make anyone feel left out, or sad that their mother isn’t involved, but my over thinking mind hopes she knows that she will forever be the best part of me and nothing will ever change that.
No. Break. Ever. Before the blend I often had breaks to breathe. My mini has contact with her Dad every other weekend, and it was then I could be a usual 20 something year old. Now there is always a child nearby…Watching you eat that sneaky chocolate, wanting to speak to you whilst your singing in the shower or needing some assistance in a pathetic task, after one half arsed attempt by themselves. Parenting doesn’t stop now, and I don’t mind so much. I just often wish my mini was there too, because I don’t feel like a “proper” Mum unless she is by my side. (What even is a proper Mum anyway?) I know the other two need me, probably more in some ways. There will be gaps, that haven’t been filled in due to the absence of their mother. I want to be the one that fills in those gaps for them. I just can’t help but have mum guilt on my mini when she isn’t there. I feel like I’m being unfaithful to her, by stepping up and being their mum too. It’s odd, its strange and I don’t like being wired up this way. I often wonder if other step-mums feel the same, or if it is just another defect in my maternal over thinking mind.
But despite the difficulties, the highs and the lows were one big blended chaos and I love my family with all that I have ❤
The Overthinking Mama 